We hear it all the time: “I’m just too busy” Every where I go I find people who are overburdened with the duties and obligations of their middle class lives. Unlike the working poor, who are probably way too busy to even have time to complain about being busy, the things that are keeping my friends and colleagues busy are self-imposed at least half the time. Conclusion: People take on way too much (myself included). I think there are a few reasons for this. First, as I’ve written before, people are way too optimistic about how much they will be able to accomplish in a given period of time. So, it is almost inevitable that people will over commit. Second, people want to do a lot. It’s the “super mom” problem writ large. We all want to be super-people, it turns out. Keep a nice house, be at the top of one’s profession, have a great marriage, spend a lot of time with the kids, have a couple of interesting hobbies, attend Doctor Who conventions. That last one might be a little less common. And who wants to say no to a request from someone? It’s quite the honor to be asked to be the grand marshal at the second annual teddy bear parade. Third, people don’t want to be idle. As if that could ever happen.
But, here’s the thing: There are going to be times when you feel “on top” of all of the things going on in your life and there are going to be times when you feel “overwhelmed” by all of the things going on in your life. And, heaven forbid that someone gets sick (or you get sick). I encourage you to think about how often you feel “on top” and how many times you feel “overwhelmed.” Are you happy with your current balance? If not, then you’re going to need to do something about it. You’re going to need to, gasp, let go of some things. Maybe the house won’t always look like it should be on the cover of Better Homes and Gardens. Maybe you have to grab the odd convenience food instead of cooking from scratch (stay nutritious please). Maybe you’ll need to say, double gasp, “No” to some requests. But, really, what other advice did you think I was going to give? Lose sleep? Over commit? Go crazy? This post is done. Have to go do something else now . . .
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6 comments:
A trap that I think many folks fall into (I certainly do) is to work at full bore and be successful at it, at least for a time. Soon, your stellar achievement level is now the norm when it comes to how others perceive you, and when you fall a little short of it (still above the rest), others perceive that you are somehow lacking.
This, of course, is a direct result of us trying to do too much. Do it long enough, and you start to get good at it, but you also risk burning out much more quickly. Our initial reaction is to just "suck it up", but as you point out, this usually leads to less energy, less focus, and the feeling of being overwhelmed.
The question then becomes "How do we undo this?"
How do we recalibrate those standards that we have set for ourselves, especially those we have created in the minds of others. I don't know the answer to that question, but I believe it's one that a lot of overachievers would like to know.
Having spent over 30 years as one of the "working poor", I feel I can speak for us to some degree. As a general rule of thumb, the working poor have more leisure time than the middle-class and wealthy. Actually, this seems to increase with age. When you're young and poor, you keep busy looking for ways to become middle class. Those of us who never make it tend to start accepting that it's "not in the cards" for us and gradually trade our hopes for a better future for more pleasure in the now. We may take up inexpensive hobbies like fishing, hunting (Yes, safari's are expensive but just a gun and few bullets that will put food on the table doesn't have to be!!)gardening etc. Many more just fall into the TV and watch other people live the interesting and exciting lives we no longer believe we can achieve. We WANT to be idle and entertained.... it keeps our thoughts off of our disappointments and woes. The interesting thing about this (To me anyway) is that the working poor usually seem happier than those who are constantly striving for more, bigger, better etc..
Personally I believe it's because of 2 factors: 1)We're less stressed about achieving goals because we have fewer of them & 2)We've had no other choice (At least we believe that to be the case)except to learn acceptance of what is, so we fret less about the "coulds and shoulds".
I have no case studies to back up my opinion, and I'm somewhat of an exception to the rule... and have chosen a life seldom bound by rules. This is just my opinion, based on my 48 years living with, and as a member, of the working poor.
I'm offering this up because it appears to me that you've led a rather insulated life. If you ever want an opinion from someone who has experienced homelessness,poverty and 5 years in prison, feel free to contact me. Perhaps I can help by sharing a perspective you won't find among your peers. I might only have a high school diploma, but I like to think the 1200 or so books I read while incarcerated, and a lifelong penchant for new experiences, has helped me to become rather well rounded and articulate. Of course, don't most of us have a higher opinion of ourselves than many others would think is warranted? LOL
Nice to find a great blog. As for habits I have found that will power doesn't usually work. If you keep in mind that a good habit takes 3o days to take hold it helps,as each day passes. That is my 2 cents ...
terry
*hear
Thanks "g" I re-read the blog this morning and the mistake looked about 10 feet tall!
Hi Terry: Thanks for the comment. Thirty days, I think, can often be a good number. If you can do a new daily habit for a month you're probably well on your way.
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