Solving Impatience by Letting Go (Four Tips)

Patience is a virtue, and I wish that I were more virtuous. I think a lot of us wish that we were more patient. But, that’s a tall order in this hurly-burly crazy-mixed-up-world. We’re impatient because there’s so much that we’d like to do and so much that, supposedly, we need to do. Maybe it’s the life of a modern professor, but I don’t think so. Everywhere I go, I see people trying to quickly finish up what they’re doing so that they can get to the next thing. This goes for work tasks that bring with them various levels of enjoyment, and social occasions. At conventions and the like, this feeling is at its peak, but it never completely goes away. This feeling that whatever we’re doing right now is certainly less important than what we could be doing has a cousin: The feeling that the really important thing that’s happening needs to wrap up in our favor right away! And, my gosh, what some of those important things are:

1. The kids picking up their room.
2. The restaurant meal’s arrival.
3. The start of a meeting.
4. The end of a meeting.
5. Getting your turn to speak at a meeting.

By now, you probably get my point. A lot of things about which we are impatient are not important at all. In fact, they’re remarkably unimportant. Let me give you a contrast. Here is a list of important things. (This is also a great opportunity to reflect how lucky most of us are most of the time.)

1. Adequate food and drink
2. Adequate shelter
3. Health
4. Healthy loved ones
5. Security

Everything else is far less important. Within our safe little bubbles, though, there are things that are more important and things that are less important. So, here’s my first tip:

1. Identify what’s important to you.

This is going to take a great deal of self-discipline and honesty with self. My list will include many of the usual suspects, but—if I’m being completely honest here—it will also include a certain television show that I mention from time to time. Though I do rank it lower than my marriage and children.

2. Realize that most things aren’t important.

In my job, for example, I am sometimes “grant rich,” and sometimes “grant poor.” For various reasons, I am currently grant poor. It hurts my ego a bit, sure, but so what? The sun rose the next day. My kids wanted to play and all was fine.

3. Train yourself to recognize your feelings of impatience.

When you stiffen up, start to pace, or begin tapping your fingers. When you feel this pressing need to just move things along . . .

4. Use that recognition to your advantage and Let Go!

Don’t operate on autopilot. Ask yourself, “Do I really need to be impatient about this? Does this really matter?” You’ll surprise yourself with how often you decide, “No”!

Now, I have to go and . . .

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Going Fast and Getting Better All the Time: What Mountain Biking Has Taught Me About Life

I love to go fast. It’s fun. I love to go fast in my car. I love to go fast on rollercoasters. I love to go fast on my bike. I really love to go fast on my bike. There’s nothing like the feeling of tearing through the woods in high gear, knowing that you know what you’re doing. It’s taken a long time for me to get to that feeling. Mountain biking, like so many sports, is complex and it takes time to master. I don’t claim to be any kind of expert or athlete. Far from it. I am but a mere hacker. But I’ve learned a lot in my six years of biking. I know about feet positioning. I know about speeding up before attacking a big hill. I know about getting behind my seat on a tricky steep downhill. I know about bike maintenance (and am even beginning to do it!) I know about proper hydration. I know how to line up to jump a log. I know how to avoid numbness in the hands. I know about under-dressing so that I don’t overheat on the trails. I know how to change a tire. I could go on . . .

For me, learning to mountain bike is a good model for learning any new skill, and for getting through life in general. There is just so much to learn. The more you learn, the more you want to learn. The more you do something, the easier it becomes to do. Until you have . . . a new habit! Habits are virtually automatic, which means that you'll have some will-power freed up, and you can work on . . . getting another new habit!

You’ll never be perfect, of course. You’ll just have to deal with that fact. I have. I’ll never be the perfect mountain biker (not even close), but it doesn’t matter. Turns out that I’m so far from perfection that I can continue to improve until I’m just too old to mountain bike anymore! Does that mean I’ll have to start golfing? I guess I could soup up my cart . . .

In sum, life’s complicated and doing it well, never mind perfectly, takes a lot of practice. But, along the way, you’ll have the marvelous experience of constant improvement. Happy biking everyone!

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How Am I Doing? Using Your Past Self as a Source of Information and Inspiration (4 Tips)

"How am I doing?"

Ed Koch used to ask it of his voters, and it's a question that everyone wants answered.

When you’re working on improving yourself, you want to know how you’re doing. But with whom should you compare yourself? What’s the best standard? Answer: Your past self. Comparing yourself to others is usually not all that helpful because you don’t know their histories as well as you know yours. Perhaps the incredible athlete running next to you is . . . just that: An incredible athlete who happens to work out at your gym. Or perhaps the younger person who you are besting in tennis is recovering from mononucleosis. Or maybe . . . You get the point. You could also look toward your future self. But your future self, as you imagine him/her, is probably not your real future self. It’s probably a better self. We are optimistic creatures, after all. No, look back in time instead. To the way you used to be. It is in your memory, faulty as it is, that you will find good information and even better inspiration. But how should you look back?

Some tips:

1. Focus on a recent past self. I’m not qualified to get into an extended discussion of the philosopher’s axe, but I think we can all agree that your more recent past self is in some sense more you than a more distant past self. If you’re 40, comparing your fitness and endurance level to your 20-year old athletic self is like comparing yourself to someone else. Focusing on a recent past self gives you good information about what you were like.

2. Go deep for the information. Go beyond remembering what you were you like (fatter/thinner, lazier/more active, introverted/extroverted) and try to recall your behaviors. What were you doing that helped? What your were doing that didn't? Learn from your past.

3. If your memory tells you that you’ve improved, then that’s great! Feel inspired. Feel the movement upward! Whatever you’re doing, keep on doing it!

4. If you’re on a bit of a backslide, then use your memory of what you used to be like. Figure out how to get back there.

So, stop looking around for a person with whom to compare yourself. Look in the mirror and then look back . . .